If you step back and realize what is happening, it is a miracle. We often get stuck in our ways and even convince ourselves that what we're doing is good or at least perfectly satisfactory. This is so common that many say that "people don't change." The miracle is that people can change! The moment we take feedback (whether in the form of accusations or not) and take it to heart and start changing because of it, a miracle is happening.
Hebrews 12:1-15 saved me once, especially the part that says, "...My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Just realizing that it was the Lord who was chastening me and that he was doing it out of love is all I needed to know. When I realized that, I no longer felt alone. I no longer felt accused, and instead felt loved and cared for. I felt like I mattered, and that the Lord sees a potential in me that I didn't see. I felt hope. I felt love. I felt grateful. I knew that I could change and become better. I felt grateful to the person who had given me the feedback. I was saved from despair and darkness into "a marvelous light" (see Alma 36:20).
Accusations, when received with humility and love, can be some of the greatest blessings in life. They can help us to find joy, hope, and peace, and improve ourselves in ways we were never aware of.
1 comment:
Another possibility is that their accusation tells you about some suffering that they are having. Maybe they are trying to shed feelings of guilt or shame. Maybe they have other deep hurt feelings that are coming out in something that doesn't really matter that much to them. Replacing your feelings of enmity with feelings of compassion and curiosity, and a desire to help them feel safe and not feel alone, can help you see them more clearly and see opportunities to help.
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