How to "Be One" with Someone

It is important to "Be One" in several circumstances: as a married couple, as an engaged couple, as a missionary companionship, or even as a member of a team.  Jesus Christ said, "If ye are not one, ye are not mine." (D&C 38:27)  For the purposes of this article, I'll refer to a married couple, although the same principles apply in the other circumstances.

In a healthy relationship, both spouses want the best for each other.  They love each other.  They want each other to be happy.  They want to contribute what they can in order to accomplish this.  Sometimes the relationship can become strained.  Often this is because they don't agree on some issue, and instead of resolving the disagreement, one or both make a decision that the other gets upset about.  Over time the disagreement festers, other disagreements add to it, and they lead to straining the relationship more and more.  Some disagreements don't have any significant effect once both "agree to disagree", but others affect the life of the other person in a significant way.  This is generally the case with finances, planning time together, place of residence, bearing and raising children, keeping a home organized, spending time together, and more.

What can you do to "be one" with someone when a disagreement impacts both of your lives in a significant way?  This is the question I propose to answer.

It all starts with love.

If you are not feeling a lot of love towards them at this moment, search within yourself and re-ignite the love you have for them.  In some cases, this might be very difficult because you feel so much hurt.  Pray for you to feel the pure love of Christ towards them (see Moroni 7:48).  Remember good times together.  Remember how you met.  Remember what brought you close together.  Think about what you have in common including interests, goals, values, beliefs, etc.  Think about what you appreciate, admire, respect, and love about them.  Think about what you hope with them for the future.   Think about their potential and who they really are inside.

Love will inspire you.  From 1 Cor. 13 we read, "Charity...seeketh not her own,..."  Matt 16:25 states, "for whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."  Mosiah 2:17 states, "...when ye are in service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."  These scriptures help us see that in order to achieve true love, we need to be selfless, and lose ourselves in the service of others.  In doing so, we will be blessed with a greater capacity to love and serve.  We must be careful to not take on more than we can do, however, "for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." (Mosiah 4:27)  This perspective helps in trying to be one with your spouse.

Along with love, have faith in them.  For some, it is easier to have faith in God than in someone who is imperfect and mortal just as yourself.  In this case, have faith in them, trusting that God is helping and supporting them.  Even when we make mistakes, God is there to help us pick up the pieces, and start again.  Wouldn't it be better to do that together as one than to be divided?

Truly listen to them.  Put yourself into their shoes and see life from their perspective.  When you are confused, ask them to help you understand better.

The main answer I found is to "go along for the ride."  Allow them to discover the truth, and only guide them when they want it and they need it.  Feel free to share your thoughts and ideas in passing if they would like to hear them.  (If you don't know if they want to hear them, feel free to ask them.)  However, go along with what they want to do.  Point it out when you notice their good ideas and successes.  Support them in their struggles.  Comfort them when they need it.  As they look to you for help, commit to do so, and follow through with your commitments.  If they look to you for validation of their feelings, do so.  If they lack confidence in their ideas, support them by pointing out advantages that you see.