How to Get the Motivation to Change for the Better

Marriage has been an eye-opening experience for me.  I thought I was a really good guy with very few shortcomings.  However, with the honesty, love, and openness of my amazing wife, I have learned a myriad of areas in which I could change for the better.

Some changes were easy.  Simply being aware of them was enough to make the needed adjustments. However, to change in other areas was daunting.  I didn't know how to change and I didn't know why it was important for me to change in those ways.  Certainly, I'd love to make my wife happier, but wasn't she asking too much?!?

My defensiveness, stubbornness, and lack of motivation were preventing me from progressing.  I found myself emotionally disconnected in my relationships.  I knew that it wasn't healthy.

I decided that I wanted the desire to change.  In praying for help, God told me to find the answer in "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball.  I looked through the chapter titles and found "Chapter 11. Conviction--the Awakening".  As I read, I got from it that my conscience (aka the Light of Christ) along with the scriptures should be enough to get me to the point of feeling godly sorrow.  Godly sorrow is different than worldly sorrow, which is basically the sorrow of getting caught and/or of having to pay the consequences.  Instead, godly sorrow is an intense understanding of just how wrong an act was, a realization of the hurt that resulted, and even the desire to pay the consequences.

The book even said that if we truly feel godly sorrow, it will motivate us to go through the rest of the repentance process which includes pleading for forgiveness from Our Heavenly Father, repairing what we have done to the extent possible, stopping the behavior, forgiving others, and doing our best to obey God's commandments.

I wasn't feeling godly sorrow.  I was feeling pressured to change by others when that desire should be coming from within.  I read on because I needed to know how to get to that point.  It explained that rationalization and minimization rob us of the motivation to change.  They stop us from feeling godly sorrow.  That was the key!!  I was well-practiced at rationalization and minimization.  I did it all the time.

When I realized that what I needed to do was to stop rationalizing and minimizing, my life took a turn for the better.  I was able to have my eyes finally open to the hurt I had caused.  I was able to awaken the previously numb feeling in my heart.  If it weren't for my understanding and faith in the Jesus Christ and His Atonement, I could have despaired, but instead I welcomed these painful feelings, knowing that they would help me make major changes in my life.  I knew that at any time, I could call upon my Savior to find the great relief of His forgiveness.  But during this time, I wanted the pain to cleanse me of my selfishness and pride, and change me into someone who truly, deeply cared about each person around me as individuals.

I could feel my heart breaking, softening, and melting.  I no longer wanted to behave like I had in the past.  I wanted to make up for the wrongs I had done.  I had previously feared hearing criticism (which is often the hurt in others) as I opened myself to them, but now I considered it as part of righting my wrongs.  Allowing them to detoxify by sharing with me their frustrations about me, could open the door to healing for them, which I desperately desired.

The simple change to stop minimizing and rationalizing my actions, together with my faith in Jesus Christ, gave me all the motivation I needed.