How to Progress! - Practical Repentance

As a parent, I want to help my children to learn and grow as much as I can.  My thoughts from my recent post on "Motivation to Change for the Better" got be looking for a simple exercise that could help anyone (myself and my children included) to truly grow and progress.  This is a work in progress at this point, but has shown very good results already:

On a piece of paper, claim the blame.  This means ONLY write what YOU did wrong.  This should not include anything that anyone else did that was bad.

Next write 5 levels of disadvantages.  To do this, write one reason of why doing it was bad (i.e. a disadvantage).  That reason is considered level 1. Then, about that reason, answer the question, "What's so bad about that?"  This deeper reason is considered level 2.  Repeat until you have 5 levels for that disadvantages.  Then come up with a different disadvantage and do 5 levels for it.  Repeat until you can't think of any other disadvantages.

Now write all of the excuses, rationalizations, and minimizations that come to mind about why what you did isn't such a big deal.  Leave room after each one.

Then after each excuse/rationalization/minimization, answer the question, "Why isn't this a good reason to do what I did?"

The last step is not written.  Read and reread all that you've written, letting it penetrate and motivate you to truly change and to repair the damage you've caused.  When you've done it enough, you'll know because you'll feel a pit in your stomach for what you've done.  You'll feel willing to take whatever consequence and embarrassment that you deserve.  You'll be willing to confess your actions to whoever was directly affected.  You'll feel more than willing to repair all the damage.  You will have a conviction to do much better in the future.  You are truly growing and progressing toward your potential.

How to Get the Motivation to Change for the Better

Marriage has been an eye-opening experience for me.  I thought I was a really good guy with very few shortcomings.  However, with the honesty, love, and openness of my amazing wife, I have learned a myriad of areas in which I could change for the better.

Some changes were easy.  Simply being aware of them was enough to make the needed adjustments. However, to change in other areas was daunting.  I didn't know how to change and I didn't know why it was important for me to change in those ways.  Certainly, I'd love to make my wife happier, but wasn't she asking too much?!?

My defensiveness, stubbornness, and lack of motivation were preventing me from progressing.  I found myself emotionally disconnected in my relationships.  I knew that it wasn't healthy.

I decided that I wanted the desire to change.  In praying for help, God told me to find the answer in "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball.  I looked through the chapter titles and found "Chapter 11. Conviction--the Awakening".  As I read, I got from it that my conscience (aka the Light of Christ) along with the scriptures should be enough to get me to the point of feeling godly sorrow.  Godly sorrow is different than worldly sorrow, which is basically the sorrow of getting caught and/or of having to pay the consequences.  Instead, godly sorrow is an intense understanding of just how wrong an act was, a realization of the hurt that resulted, and even the desire to pay the consequences.

The book even said that if we truly feel godly sorrow, it will motivate us to go through the rest of the repentance process which includes pleading for forgiveness from Our Heavenly Father, repairing what we have done to the extent possible, stopping the behavior, forgiving others, and doing our best to obey God's commandments.

I wasn't feeling godly sorrow.  I was feeling pressured to change by others when that desire should be coming from within.  I read on because I needed to know how to get to that point.  It explained that rationalization and minimization rob us of the motivation to change.  They stop us from feeling godly sorrow.  That was the key!!  I was well-practiced at rationalization and minimization.  I did it all the time.

When I realized that what I needed to do was to stop rationalizing and minimizing, my life took a turn for the better.  I was able to have my eyes finally open to the hurt I had caused.  I was able to awaken the previously numb feeling in my heart.  If it weren't for my understanding and faith in the Jesus Christ and His Atonement, I could have despaired, but instead I welcomed these painful feelings, knowing that they would help me make major changes in my life.  I knew that at any time, I could call upon my Savior to find the great relief of His forgiveness.  But during this time, I wanted the pain to cleanse me of my selfishness and pride, and change me into someone who truly, deeply cared about each person around me as individuals.

I could feel my heart breaking, softening, and melting.  I no longer wanted to behave like I had in the past.  I wanted to make up for the wrongs I had done.  I had previously feared hearing criticism (which is often the hurt in others) as I opened myself to them, but now I considered it as part of righting my wrongs.  Allowing them to detoxify by sharing with me their frustrations about me, could open the door to healing for them, which I desperately desired.

The simple change to stop minimizing and rationalizing my actions, together with my faith in Jesus Christ, gave me all the motivation I needed.

Is Your World Falling Apart?

I have felt my world falling apart.  I have felt lonely with people all around.  I have felt useless.  I have wanted to die.  I have felt the despair of loss.  I have felt powerless when using all my strength.  I have felt horrible regret.  I have felt lost and confused.  I have been past my breaking point.

I stand now only because I was rescued, time and time again.  I called out to  Jesus Christ and He quickly took me in His arms.  He replaced my pain with peace.  He replaced my darkness with light.  He replaced my sorrow with joy.

Jesus said, "Come unto me, all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls."

If science makes more sense to you, try an experiment and know the truth for yourself.

If you have looked for truth about God but found corruption, suppression or confusion, there is still hope.  

My personal mission statement for life is: "I help people to grow in happiness."  I will not force you.  I will not use you.  I don't want anything but your happiness.  Why?  Because I love you all.

For more information, don't hesitate to message me.

How much does God love us?

I recognize God’s and the Savior’s Love, Mercy, and Grace for me. I am so grateful to them.

Note: This is written in terms of "I" so that each of us can read it as it applies to ourselves.

I am a son/daughter of The All-Powerful God. (Eph. 4:6)  He loves me so much that He created this amazing world for me to live on; He loves me so much that He has prepared a plan for me that gives me the opportunity to receive all that He has and become like Him! (D&C

He sent His perfect Son to die for me (John 3:16).  

He has lovingly given me weaknesses to help me be humble so that I will learn to rely on Him.  This reliance will help me to become so much stronger and better than if I had no weaknesses at all. (Ether 12:27) when I am weak then I am strong. (Paul)

He has given me strengths and opportunities so that I can help others, which also helps me feel needed and appreciated.  He has given me the privilege of living in an amazing time of the gospel and church organization on the earth.  As a descendant of Ephraim He has asked me to help in His Work.

He has a plan that includes my help.  He has entrusted His children for me to care for and even teach.

Every day God gives me so much:

He loves me so much that He will listen to me at any moment I choose, and for as long as I want. (3 Nephi 18:15)  He will answer my prayers for my best good.

If I just do my best, He will make up for the rest, including all of my imperfections. (2 Nephi 25:23)  In fact, even if I hadn’t done my best, I can sincerely repent.  In His generous mercy, He will forgive me and forget my mistakes. (Isaiah 1:18)  

He will save me over and over without limit or hesitation.  

He loves me so much that He will prepare each of my days so that I receive the experiences that I need, for the lesson I’m needing to learn,  at each point in my life.  

He loves me so much that He will make sure that any temptation Satan gives me is not more than I can handle, and will provide a way to escape each and every one of them. (1 Cor. 10:13)

When I am humble, He lights the path before me enough for me to advance, and gives me the opportunity to wonder and learn by not showing me the end.

He grants me air, water, food, shelter, and people to associate with.  He teaches me based on the point I am at in my life and to progress by providing situations to learn from, providing tests of my progress, people to step in and help me, words to my soul through His Holy Spirit, millions of His words in the scriptures and from the mouths of latter-day prophets, and always takes my eternal welfare to heart.  He loves me immensely - much more than even my parents or companion.

He has given me my family, my life, this opportunity on Earth, created this amazingly beautiful world, created a plan for me, and even sent His Son to die for me.

I know he loves me more than I will ever be able to understand.

My brothers and sisters, the first great commandment of all eternity is to love God with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength—that’s the first great commandment. But the first great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength. That love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor. ("Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You" By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

Overcoming Anger

This is the best advice I've heard on overcoming anger.  It has helped me immensely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLKBPn9GEVM
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/slow-to-anger?lang=eng

How to Heal from Deeply Buried Pain

I believe that every person in the world has had deep, deep pain.  It could be from physical, emotional, or mental abuse, guilt, abandonment, rejection, neglect, ridicule, criticism, contempt, shame, judging, or anything else.  This pain almost always buries itself deep within us.

Any experience that remotely resembles one of the experiences associated with this pain can trigger instant hurt and lead us to reacting in a very hurtful and negative way, even if it was an innocent action that triggered it.  These are more than little pet peeves, although those may even be rooted in this pain.  These pain points are very sensitive.  They can keep us from being the kind of person we want to be.  They can in turn, lead us to hurting others very deeply.  Often psychologists diagnose emotional issues as caused by a painful childhood.  Even hurt from decades earlier can affect us today much more than we realize.

Pain points can remain even if we don't feel bitterness toward others, and while we feel that we have forgiven others for anything they've done.  Pain points are scars left behind that we don't imagine will ever heal.  I now know differently.

Jesus Christ has literally and fully healed some of my pain points.  I have full faith that He can heal all of them.  I'm going through that process at this point in my life.  I yearn for this healing because I believe it will completely change how I look at and treat others, especially those closest to me.  I have already seen a change in me, and they have too.  I'm writing this to help others who may seek this as well.  I'm writing this before I've healed all of my pain points so that I can do so while it is still new to me, and I haven't gotten so comfortable with the process that all of the steps blend into one.

Here are the steps that work for me.  Feel free to adjust these or come up with your own completely.  The most important thing is drawing on the love and Atonement of Our Savior Jesus Christ to be healed of the pain.

1. Identify some of your pain points.  Write as many down as you can.  This can be a very painful process, and it's important that it not break you.  If it is getting too difficult, pause and regroup.  It may be helpful to write down some smaller ones first.  
2. Once you have some listed, choose one small one.  I tried to take a group of about five that were related, and I found out very quickly that it was too much for me.  Take it easy, especially if this is your first time.  It will get easier with practice.
3. For one specific pain point: 
1. Talk to a friend or to God, describing the pain.  You will likely feel that pain welling up within you as you focus on it.  Say anything that you need to so that it is fully identified.
2. Pray and tell God that you don't want to feel that pain anymore.  Express your desire and will to be free from it through Jesus Christ.
3. Tell God that you accept Christ's suffering as full and complete payment for all that you have ever suffered around that pain.  Tell God that you forgive the people involved.  Use their names to make it personal and complete.  You may feel the burden beginning to lift at this point.
4. Next plead for Jesus Christ to remove the pain point.  Plead for Him to pull it out of you (like sucking venom from a snake bite or surgically removing a tumor).  Plead for the pain to be gone.  Repeat or elaborate as needed until the pain is removed.  This can be a painful process as the hurt and misery of the pain point is pulled out of you.  When it is done, you should feel a calm coming over you and no longer feel that pain.  
5. Thank Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for what they have just done for you.
6. Envision someone doing something that would have triggered the pain point.  Plan what you will do to respond with love, respect, and/or understanding.  (This is to prevent the pain point from returning.)
4. Whenever ready to do this again, repeat these steps, starting at step 2 for another pain point.
5. When the list of pain points is exhausted, try to identify more, starting at step 1 until you are fully healed of all pain points.

I wondered if the pain point was really gone.  I started to think about the specifics (from step 3), and instead of feeling pain, I felt peace.  It was amazing.  It was a miracle.

What's more is that in the place of there being pain in that part of my heart, I felt love.  The pain point was replaced with the Love of God.  It is amazing.  As I went through this process, I could feel myself changing.  I look forward to completing my entire list.  When I'm done, I will look for more pain points and heal those until I have none left.  That will be a new beginning for me in my life.  I believe that I will be much more kind, loving, and giving.  I will be the kind of person that I want to be.

Misinterpreted tone?

Ever get into arguments about how you said something?  Are people getting offended when you weren't trying to do so?  Stop nitpicking about what the intended tone is.

Instead, make everything you say also include the (usually unspoken) message that you love them!  You can let someone know you love them when you ask for a favor, discuss dinner options, describe your day, or anything else!

If you are not feeling love within you, you are not complete at this time.  This is dangerous and urgent. Do what it takes to feel that love.  Vocalize about how well others (especially God and your Savior) understand you, the love they have for you, what they have done for you, what they're willing to do for you, and how many times.  Count your blessings.  Pray to be filled with love.