I also offer Life Coaching. See ericpabstlifecoach.com for testimonials and how to reach me.

Friday, November 7, 2008

How to get out of misery

Ever been stuck in a rut? Ever just felt like life was pointless or too much to bear? Ever just feel awful inside? Let's call that "Misery Boulevard". Fortunately, Misery Boulevard has many exits onto other paths, many of which lead to true joy. Here are some exits I've found, most of which come from personal experience. Often, multiple exits apply, so if you somehow end up back onto the boulevard, try the next one (or try the same one again).

Note: For non-religious folks, skip over the text in []'s.

Exits from Misery Boulevard:
  1. Stressed? Sit and write down what you're stressed about. Identify the things you're supposed to get done. Start working on them, starting with the most important and urgent. The key here is "Do your best, and your true best is good enough". You may be surprised what you're able to accomplish and how great your true best is. [Trust God to take care of the rest.]
  2. Frustrated with someone (a friend, family member, child, a stranger, etc.)? Focus on your emotions and identity how you felt from what they did. If it hurt:
    • Allow yourself a few minutes to fully recognize the hurt and how real it is.
    • Identify any times that you've hurt that person. Also, identify any times that that person has done something that helped you. Do you owe it to them to let this hurt go? If so, feel good about letting it go as a "payment" to the person for what you owe.
    • [Remember that the Lord said, "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." How? Think about the parable in Matthew 18:21-35.] Recognize all of the things that God has forgiven you for, and compare all of that to what the person has done. Do you owe it to God to let this go? If so, then do so, feeling gratitude for everything you've been forgiven for.]
    • Still frustrated? [Think about what Jesus suffered in paying for everyone's sins. He has fully paid for what the person has done. Imagine Him coming to you, pleading for you to accept His payment for what the person has done. Will you turn Him away? If you accept His payment, recognize that you have been fully paid. You are now "even". Justice has been served.]
    • Still frustrated? Serve the person. Do something nice for them. This can help release hurt feelings by bringing that person joy. It may even help the person try to avoid frustrating you in the future. What do they like? What is something you can do with them that they'd enjoy?
    • Still frustrated? Serve other people. Who could use your help right now? A neighbor? A friend? A family member? A stranger? What words can you say to someone to brighten their day? What can you volunteer to do somewhere?
    • Still frustrated? Let the person know. Use the kindest, most thoughtful, loving way that you can to tell them what has frustrated you, and keep an open mind as you truly listen to their perspective so you can understand better why it happened.
  3. Irritable or Moody? It may not be this at all, but there might be something you've done that you wish you hadn't. Is there someone you could apologize to for something? Is there something you can do to (even begin to) make up for it? Is there something you can do to avoid making that mistake in the future? [Can you ask God for Him to forgive you because Christ suffered for it?] Doing these things may make a huge difference in your mood.
  4. Depressed? In a creative way (or at least some way), identify some of the things in your life that you appreciate. You could write them down, or say them, or reward yourself with an M&M for each one you can come up with, or write your feelings about each one, put them in a gratitude journal, etc. If this isn't working, keep doing it for a while longer. It's bound to make a big difference once you get into it.

No comments: