Everyone has fear. We fear failure, rejection, the unknown, not being good enough, and so much more. Fear causes stress. Our body considers us in danger and puts us into "fight or flight" mode. When in "fight or flight" mode, our brain naturally shifts most of our energy and focus to the fear at hand, deferring proper bodily function and healing until after the fear is resolved.
In our day and age what we fear doesn't usually require a physical battle or literally running away from danger. The kind of fear we experience doesn't seem to have a clear solution. With no such obvious solution, we usually don't end up addressing the fear at all. Instead, we live with it by a myriad of approaches, some more destructive than others. Some cope by escaping into video games, social media, thrills, pornography, or overworking. Some cope by numbing with drugs or alcohol. Some cope by seeking consolation with comfort food or sharing their story for validation. There are many many more coping strategies that don't actually address the problem.
Without actually resolving the fear, our body doesn't get the expected relief which would have come from victory or getting away from the danger. Instead, we usually remain in "flight or flight" mode, often for days, weeks, years, or decades. By staying in this mode, our body accumulates tension, it starts to aggravate us, it spreads, finds a home in weak parts of our body, develops, and finally diversifies into any of several kinds of diseases or manifestations. These include cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, lupus, and so many more.
What we don't often realize is that fear is actually a wake-up call. Our body is trying to get us to really address the cause of the fear. It's like an alarm clock, but we keep hitting the snooze button over and over instead of actually getting up. It is trying to help us to learn, grow, and move forward in our lives. Unfortunately, it doesn't communicate that clearly. We generally mistake it for something else entirely. A similar example to this is that when we push ourselves too much, we end up with pain, illness, or exhaustion. Our body is telling us we need to slow down and respect our capacity. The question is, will we listen?
When we finally hit our breaking point or realize that we need to make a real change, do we even know how? How can we truly address our fears? There are many ideas, but how to know which ones won't end up feeding the fear instead?
The solution to all fear is love. Love has many forms: gratitude, forgiveness, letting others in, seeking understanding, compassion, service, relaxing, doing what we enjoy, acting on what we truly desire deep down, connecting with nature, connecting with our higher power, creating, growing in knowledge, art, music, affection, putting ourselves in others' shoes, the Golden Rule, being yourself, and so much more.
The challenge is that when we are in the midst of fear, it is hard to act with genuine love. We might serve, but it might be more out of fear of being useless, fear of being judged as selfish or lazy, fear of not being needed, fear of not being loving. We might overcommit ourselves out of a desire to love, but then miserably fail to do as we've said, leading to more hurt than healing.
How can we let go of fear so that we can heal with love? Some ideas that people have found effective to make this transition are laughter, music, forgiveness, hypnotherapy, EFT, yoga, Cranial Sacral, Reiki, massage, breath work, burn letters, and acupuncture. (ideas from "Heal" on Netflix)
The technique that I believe is the most effective is from Byron Katie on TheWork.com. In fairness, I have not tried most of the different techniques, but the incredible way that this technique has drastically helped in a wide range of situations in my own life and in the dozens of people I have facilitated is truly amazing. It is a meditation technique called inquiry which is simply answering a set of questions. These questions bring awareness of what the wake-up call is trying to tell us. In doing so, it turns our fears, frustrations, and stresses into gems of understanding that can immediately enable us to let go of our negative thoughts and fears. It brings us to our center - our home - where we feel free, feel at peace, and feel happiness. It shows us what is truly in our control and what we need to do. The answers it provides come from within us. We already have the answers; we just need to access them. By using this technique over the last couple of years, on April 15, 2019, I was able to let go of the fears that have driven me in my day to day life. I am not overcommitting myself, I'm being open, accepting of myself, being real, laboring out of love instead of fear or duty, and facing fear when it comes to the door. I still have a lot to learn but it has been wonderful.
Imagine how life could be by letting go of fear and fully embracing love. If you'd like help doing so, please ask me.
