"Life is 10% of What Happens to Me and 90% of How I React to It"

See: printable version

We were born full of love, peace, kindness, forgiveness, light, and all that is good.  Our lives on Earth have helped us to appreciate these by showing us their opposites: love vs. hate, peace vs. contention, kindness vs. selfishness, forgiveness vs. bitterness, light vs. darkness, and all that is good vs. all that is bad.

In order to grasp these opposites, we have two kinds of voices in our mind: our ego and our soul self.  The ego fights for the stage of our mind and remains there when we believe what it says.  Our soul self patiently waits for a turn to take the stage.

Our ego compares us with other people, compares what has happened with what it thinks should have happened, and compares our circumstances with what might have been.  It says "they should/shouldn't " and "In the past, I should/shouldn't have ". It takes others' actions and words, along with these thoughts, and creates enormous drama around them.  It sees us as the victim.  That drama wreaks violence on ourselves, pushing us toward misery: stress, worry, questioning our worth, depression, anxiety, isolation, feeling misunderstood, and suffering. 

This misery causes significant trauma to our mind and body, which often leads to health issues.  The more in balance you get your mind, the less your body will suffer.  "Body follows mind."

Our soul self is who we really are.  It is made of love, peace, forgiveness and all that is good.  It doesn't react to negative thoughts.  It simply observes our stream of thoughts, observes others, observes what is happening, and finds the good in all of it. 

Reality includes everything that has happened.  Arguing what should or shouldn't have happened is futile.  When you argue with reality you will only lose always.  Instead, accept reality by questioning your ego's drama in order to quiet it.  Then give your soul self the stage and you will be surprised at the difference.

Our reactions are violence upon ourselves.  Happiness and peace are found instead in observing everything without creating this drama.  That will quiet our ego and allow our soul self to be on stage and fill us with joy, light, and peace.  Having this light enables us to be angels in others' lives.  The most effective way I've found to do this is by doing a TheWork.com worksheet.

Each time you do a worksheet you get your mind more into balance.  The first one that you do properly will blow your mind.  If available, have someone familiar with it walk you through it.  If not, the most important thing is to allow your mind sufficient time to allow the answers to the questions to surface without rushing or avoiding them.

The process of doing a worksheet

You can download a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet from thework.com.  Alternatively, you can use blank paper. I include the questions below.

1. Think of a person and situation that has caused you the most suffering in your life that you can think of right now.  It can anytime in your life including today.  It can by anyone, although for the first 10 or so, don’t have it be about yourself.
2. Fill out questions 1 through 6, putting as much of your frustration and negative emotion into your answers as you can.  It’s ok to swear if that helps.  You don’t need to write down details; very simple sentences are best.
• 1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, saddens, disappoints you and why?
• I am [emotion] with/at [person’s name] because __________.
• 2. In this situation, how do you want them to change?
• I want [person’s name] to ________.
• 3. In this situation, what advice would you offer them?
• [person’s name] should/shouldn’t ________.
• 4. In order for you to be happy, what do you need them to think say, feel, or do?
• I need [person’s name] to _________.
• 5. What do you think of them in this situation?  Make a list.  (be petty and judgemental)
• [person’s name] is ___________.
• 6. What is it about this situation that you don’t ever want to experience again?
• I don’t ever want _____________.
3. Then choose sentence in #1 or #3 incites the most emotion in you.  Use it to answer “the four questions”.  Keep yourself focusing on the situation as you answer them.
• #1 “Is it true?”  Answer with a simple yes or no.
• #2 is worth thinking for a few seconds about.  “Can you absolutely know that it’s true?”  Answer with a simple yes or no.
• #3 is a major question.  “How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? (1-3 minutes)”.  Here are some sub-questions to help you fully answer it.  This should take some time.  Write down (or have someone else) your answers to compare with the answers to #4.  Fill up a page with your answers.
• Who are you with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you see them with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you treat them with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you react physically with the thought (e.g. tense)? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you see yourself with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you treat yourself with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• What do you see in that situation with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• What does your world/future look like with the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• #4 is a critical question.  “Who would you be without the thought?”  This should have as full of an answer as #3.  This is a thought experiment.  It’s hypothetical.  This is a form of meditation.  Write down (or have someone else) your answers to compare with the answers to #3.  Fill up a page with your answers.
• Who are you without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you see them without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you treat them without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How are you physically without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you see yourself without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• How do you treat yourself without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• What do you see in that situation without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• What does your world/future look like without the thought? (1-4 minutes)
• Now, review the answers to #3 and #4 and ask yourself: “Do you see any reason to keep the thought?”  (The more thoroughly, sincerely, and confidently you’ve answered them, the more convinced you’ll usually be)
4. Now turn your answers to the first 6 questions around.
• For each of the first 5 questions, turn it around in all of the following ways.  For each one, find at least 3 genuine ways in which the statement is true (it’s ok to treat it more figurative than literal if needed).  Note: a) and b) will be the same as each other on statements that don't include you.
• a) To the self:  Replace the person’s name with yourself.
• b) To the other: Replace their name with yours, and your name with theirs.
• c) To the opposite: Make the statement the exact opposite (e.g. from "He is mean" to “He is nice”).
• For question 6, replace "I don't ever want" with each of the following and find at least 3 genuine ways in which the statement is true.  Note: Until you can look forward to all aspects of life without fear, your Work is not done (do more worksheets as needed).
• "I am willing"
• "I look forward"

Conclusion

Doing the worksheets help you come back to yourself and what is within your own control.  You’ll let go of judging and holding onto expectations of others, God, and the past.  “Should” and “shouldn’t” will fall out of your vocabulary, and you will find yourself in peace and feel lighter, where love, joy, and happiness come easily.