How to treat others' ideas

I always thought simply "two minds are better than one". When people would share ideas, suggestions, or thoughts with me, I would find myself comparing them with what I thought, and when they didn't overlap with mine, I'd explain my own perspective and thoughts. I had the thought that we could get all the ideas onto the table and then we could fish through them and find the truth amidst all of it, finding the most important points, discussing them, and analyzing them until hopefully we agreed on some conclusion or agreed to disagree in the matter. This is fine if everyone involved thinks this way, but I've found that this is usually not the case, and sadly, that because I thought this way, I've probably hurt many people over the years. Two minds really are better than one, but there's something vital I was missing.

When someone shares their own ideas and thoughts with us, they are sharing part of themselves. They are going out on a limb, trusting us with part of themselves. If we reply immediately with a contradictory idea, it can really hurt. However, if we treat the ideas and thoughts with respect, interest, and validation, we are in turn showing respect, interest and love toward them. When we hear commonalities with what we think, focus first on those. This builds a basis of understanding upon which you can grow. Then, if the other person wants to hear our feedback, we can share it with them. If we don't know if they want the feedback, we can ask first. Many times they just want validation and encouragement.

Love and respect are more important than giving feedback. When the person wants the feedback, then we can give it without taking away from showing our love and respect for them.

Keys to Enduring Happiness based on Studies

This is from a presentation by Craig Wilson at church. He first shared some inspiring stories of people doing acts of kindness. Then he talked about positive psychology, which has the mission of figuring out how to help people find enduring happiness. Based on multiple studies, the following ten characteristics are frequently found about people who have enduring happiness. They:

1. Use their signature strengths (aka gifts, talents) in their daily lives. They see what they do in their daily life as a calling rather than as a job or career.
2. Are involved in something bigger than self.
3. Substitute pleasures with enduring, meaningful pursuits.
4. Become more and more selfless, defined as being willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of others.
5. Have many close friendships with people they have helped or are being helped by. The wider and deeper the relationships are, the happier the person is.
6. Have high levels of volunteerism.
7. Are more religious (i.e. belief in a higher power).
8. Have an abundance of gratitude by counting blessings and expressing them.
9. Give themselves permission to be human.
10. Lead simpler lives. They realize that quantity affects quality. They don't live a "rat race".

Each one of us has signature strengths. Using those signature strengths to better the world will bring us happiness. Why don't people share their signature strengths with the world?

1. Lack of money
2. Lack of time

Doesn't God want us to share our signature strengths with the world? Shouldn't He provide a way to overcome these two obstacles? He does. In fact many religions have these answers:

Religious Laws of Prosperity:

1. Avoid debt except for necessary items such as an education or a modest home. Use restraint and get out of debt as soon as we can.
2. Live within our means. This means that our expenses are less than our net income.
3. Save a certain amount for rainy days and for later in life (i.e. as "seed corn").
4. Pay a steady, honest, and grateful tithe [and offerings]. See Malachi 3:8-11.

It is very hard to follow these laws without taking at least 10% of each check and saving it. One common pitfall is that usually people upgrade homes every seven years and start over with throwing money at the bank each month due to interest, burning their hard-earned money.

People seem to live their lives as if the more they spend on self, the more satisfied they will be with their life. This will not bring enduring satisfaction or happiness. The first bit spent on self does bring great satisfaction. This is because they are fulfilling their basic needs, and even going beyond that to the point of "enough". After that, spending more on self usually means going into unnecessary debt, which causes satisfaction in life to spiral down. Even in cases where debt is not incurred, each purchase increases satisfaction only temporarily until they realize that this is not the way to enduring happiness, at which point their satisfaction in life takes a dive. Using money wisely and for good purposes is important in gaining enduring happiness.