How to cure being a "Know-It-All"

We learn things every day, and most of the time the things we learn are accurate. Unfortunately, sometimes they are not, and we don't even know it. Many times we don't even have a lingering doubt at all in our minds. However, when we talk with other people, this confidence can be very abrasive, especially when they don't agree. If you haven't experienced this, consider yourself very lucky. If you have, here are some ideas to help. Think long and hard about the saying, "People don't care what you know until they know how much you care." Apply the truth that "Acceptance precedes change" to other people's ideas and perspectives. Until they feel understood and accepted, they're very unlikely to change their perspective. When you're 100% convinced of something and then someone disagrees, you should immediately lower your confidence level to 70%. Someone disagreeing significantly decreases the likelihood of it being true. It's almost a guarantee that you have something to learn from that person, and understanding their perspective will probably help you get closer to the truth.    -11/14/2008

Update on 8/9/2020:

Other helpful ways:

• Center your life on Christ and measure yourself by that, which can eliminate all other fears, upon which all systems of defense can be eliminated including the need to be right.
• Consider the discourse "Beware of Pride" by Ezra Taft Benson.
• Consider "The Divine Center" by Stephen R. Covey.
• Prioritize being kind over being right.
• Humbly take this plea to the Lord.  Ether 12:27
• Deepen how much you care about others and deepen your connection with them to reduce the feeling of being alone for those involved (including yourself).
• Strive to be genuine with yourself, with others, and about others.

How to get out of misery

Ever been stuck in a rut? Ever just felt like life was pointless or too much to bear? Ever just feel awful inside? Let's call that "Misery Boulevard". Fortunately, Misery Boulevard has many exits onto other paths, many of which lead to true joy. Here are some exits I've found, most of which come from personal experience. Often, multiple exits apply, so if you somehow end up back onto the boulevard, try the next one (or try the same one again).

Note: For non-religious folks, skip over the text in []'s.

Exits from Misery Boulevard:

1. Stressed? Sit and write down what you're stressed about. Identify the things you're supposed to get done. Start working on them, starting with the most important and urgent. The key here is "Do your best, and your true best is good enough". You may be surprised what you're able to accomplish and how great your true best is. [Trust God to take care of the rest.]
2. Frustrated with someone (a friend, family member, child, a stranger, etc.)? Focus on your emotions and identity how you felt from what they did. If it hurt:
   • Allow yourself a few minutes to fully recognize the hurt and how real it is.
   • Identify any times that you've hurt that person. Also, identify any times that that person has done something that helped you. Do you owe it to them to let this hurt go? If so, feel good about letting it go as a "payment" to the person for what you owe.
   • [Remember that the Lord said, "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." How? Think about the parable in Matthew 18:21-35.] Recognize all of the things that God has forgiven you for, and compare all of that to what the person has done. Do you owe it to God to let this go? If so, then do so, feeling gratitude for everything you've been forgiven for.]
     
   • Still frustrated? [Think about what Jesus suffered in paying for everyone's sins. He has fully paid for what the person has done. Imagine Him coming to you, pleading for you to accept His payment for what the person has done. Will you turn Him away? If you accept His payment, recognize that you have been fully paid. You are now "even". Justice has been served.]
     
   • Still frustrated? Serve the person. Do something nice for them. This can help release hurt feelings by bringing that person joy. It may even help the person try to avoid frustrating you in the future. What do they like? What is something you can do with them that they'd enjoy?
     
   • Still frustrated? Serve other people. Who could use your help right now? A neighbor? A friend? A family member? A stranger? What words can you say to someone to brighten their day? What can you volunteer to do somewhere?
     
   • Still frustrated? Let the person know. Use the kindest, most thoughtful, loving way that you can to tell them what has frustrated you, and keep an open mind as you truly listen to their perspective so you can understand better why it happened.
3. Irritable or Moody? It may not be this at all, but there might be something you've done that you wish you hadn't. Is there someone you could apologize to for something? Is there something you can do to (even begin to) make up for it? Is there something you can do to avoid making that mistake in the future? [Can you ask God for Him to forgive you because Christ suffered for it?] Doing these things may make a huge difference in your mood.
4. Depressed? In a creative way (or at least some way), identify some of the things in your life that you appreciate. You could write them down, or say them, or reward yourself with an M&M for each one you can come up with, or write your feelings about each one, put them in a gratitude journal, etc. If this isn't working, keep doing it for a while longer. It's bound to make a big difference once you get into it.

Ask, Don't Tell

Instead of telling someone what to do, or telling them what they did, change it to form a question. Avoid loaded questions that assume things that are not mutually understood or that carry with them accusations. Manipulation is something to avoid. You can still convey your excitement, sadness, disappointment, etc. about it, but asking instead of telling is much gentler. The questions will also often allow the person to think about what you're asking in such a way that they come to realizations that they wouldn't otherwise.

This applies to children and adults in interacting with others. It greatly reduces chances of offending others, and helps you to act more humbly. As parents, we can use these three words to teach our children through repetition of this simple rule to communicate better with us and with others. Ideally in doing so, we will restate it in the form of a question :) such as “Will you please ask instead of telling?”

By following this simple rule, our lives will be happier, and our relationships will improve greatly.